A letter to my girl, the night before her last day of kindergarten....

OH WHAT A YEAR. We made it just past 100 days of kinder. 100 days of waking up early. 100 days of arguing about hair brushing and teeth brushing and deciding what outfits we agreed on. Before we were hit with some major life changing situations. It’s been rough, but you’ve adjusted perfectly, leaving me thankful for our safe space and are ready for 1st grade. Me on the other hand? I hate change, but you push me to embrace it. (You’re so your fathers daughter) so I’m over here reliving all the feelings I felt on your first day. The fear of leaving you with complete strangers for half the day. I had the worst pit in my stomach over it. Looking back on the letter I wrote on the night before your first day, I said -

“I always felt like we didn’t have enough time, but not like I feel it right now” 

Well how quickly that came full circle! We ended the year with TONS of time! And I’m so glad I wrote that. Because it was a good reminder just how grateful I am for all this extra TIME. It won’t be like this for long, if I blink it’ll be ten years from now! So many things we didn’t get to enjoy this year, your first year of school. Things like your first spring break because it just became a giant summer break, back to school night and all the other end of the year festivities! But we were gifted not one but two rad teachers, that have gone above and beyond to continue your education, best they can, with what resources they have. And plan to continue making it a smooth transition throughout the summer, with weekly art classes (your fav) I’m so thankful for these teachers who enjoyed my baby, and saw her for her worth. My big hearted sweet girl, who is always willing to help a friend, and always has to finish first lol 

This year, you made new friends, gained a sense of independence, you learned to write sentences and sound out words. You lost 5 teeth, scraped your knee on the black top and trashed a few pairs of shoes. You ended the year, with the skill of knowing how to log onto a zoom. You know what else happened? You were fine, WE were fine. I am so proud of how you’ve handled all the change thrown you’re way, and I can’t wait to see what amazing things you do in first grade, my beautiful girl. 

Anyone who gets to meet you next year, has no idea just how lucky they are going to be! And me, well I’ll be alright, cause I love watching you shine! I love you, and I’m still so proud of you! 

Love you forever & ever,  

Mama. 

Universal Studios Hollywood

As you can tell, we are becoming theme park junkies!  It’s been years since we’ve been to Universal Studios Hollywood and there have been a lot of changes! Like, the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, and the newly refurbished Jurassic World ride! Although a lot of the classics still remain, like The World-Famous Studio Tour, and the WaterWorld show! I wanted to share some of our favorites with the kids! 

The park closed at 6PM because of Halloween Horror Nights, so we never got a chance to make it to the lower lot. I still feel like we accomplished so much in the time we had! 

We started with The World-Famous Studio Tour, since it’s the most time consuming in my opinion. We got to take a trip to skull island, where Kong saved us from the dinosaurs. We survived a flash flood, and an 8.3 earthquake! We also got to see some fun famous movies sets like the Bates Motel, Home Alone, Back to the Future and Wysteria lane, from the Desperate Housewives. Whoville, was a favorite for Paisley, and the War of the Worlds plane crash sight is awesome. 

Austin was able to remain in his wheelchair at the front of the tram, and I brought his headphones for all the loud unexpected noises! He remained happy and comfortable and I’d like to think he enjoyed it as much as we did. 

The girls love the simpsons so Springfield  U.S.A was at the top of the list. Universal put so much detail in recreating the Simpsons hometown, and it’s nothing short of amazing. Everything from homer and krusty the clown walking around to the quick e mart full of merchandise. 

From there, we went to watch one of our all time favorite action packed shows! Waterworld! It’s got everything from jet skies to explosions and airplanes. The cast is full of Actors you may have seen on TV shows! They have plenty of handicap seating available. Some in “SOAK” and a big section in the “dry zone” and if you sit in the soak zone - prepare to leave literally that. SOAKED. The show is amazing and  the meet and greet with the cast after was so much fun! The girls loved chatting with each cast member and they were so sweet and patient. 

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter is everything and more. So many small details that only a “Potter Head” would appreciate! From the interactive magic wands, to the Hogwarts express. Our friend let us borrow their magic wands and the girls had so much fun following the map around, casting spells in the windows. I can still taste the butter beer, It was like a butterscotch cream soda. We also watched the triwizard show, which happens a couple times a day, and got to take a picture with the dancers. 

We  ended our day with some Cinnabon and an ice cold mr pibb in our refillable universal cup. It cost us, $16 and it was free refills all day! There is a baby care center full of family restrooms, changing tables and a nursing room. And the nurses station has cots big enough to change Austin! 

They offer an express ticket, that places you in a faster moving line. This is a game changer, and worth every penny on busy days! We only went on a couple rides, but they were able to accommodate Austin and his wheelchair perfectly. Security was a breeze! All bags go through an X-ray, which means fast lines, and the double stroller fit perfectly through the metal detector.

We can’t wait to go back, and cover the lower lot! Which is everything from dinosaurs to the mummy rollercoaster. If you’re coming to Southern California on a family vacation I definitely suggest you add Universal Studios Hollywood to your list of must dos! Head to the website where you can purchase tickets and plan your trip in advance! 

www.facebook.com/UniversalStudiosHollywood

www.twitter.com/UniStudios

www.instagram.com/UniStudios

@UniStudios

#UniversalStudiosHollywood

#JurassicWorldHollywood

A letter to my girl, the night before kindergarten.

I feel like these last five years just flew on by us. I always felt like we didn’t have enough time, but not like I feel it right now.Pretty much everyday for the last 5 years you have been my little sidekick. My best friend. My BEST Target date, especially if a toy or icee was in it for you. 

Everyone keeps telling me you’re going to be okay, and its all going to be great! And they are right. YOU my little pupil, my social butterfly, everyones friend - are going to love it, and it’ll all fall into place! You’re starting your own journey now, and that’s SO exciting! It’s me, I’m the one that’s not okay. Its never really explained to you exactly what It’s like to have your heart walking outside of your body, but this is that, you are my heart outside of my body. But as much as it hurts, you have reminded me while we’ve waited to get here that it’s all going to be okay, and you’ll only be gone a couple hours. You give me strength, and confidence, and that’s why we are going to be more than okay. 

We have gone on so many adventures together and made some pretty awesome memories. You’ve grown up at Disneyland, and I’ve got a million photos to share with you one day, because you may not remember it one bit, but I will.

We stayed up late, we slept in whenever we wanted to, and stayed in our pajamas all day because we could, and played hooky when we needed to. (that will still be a thing) But starting tomorrow you will be an official kindergartener. 

It’s only going to be half day, but it’s the end of a chapter in my motherhood journey. And that right there is deep, and emotional. I raised a beautiful baby girl, that I now have to share with the world. And that girl - she is going to do amazing things. And anyone that gets to be a part of your next journey is so lucky! You’re going to make so many new friends, and learn all the things you ask Alexa and I, for yourself. I know you are going to thrive during this new transition, and excel at everything you do. You are a leader, and that’s SO important in this big scary world. 

So tomorrow morning when I hug you goodbye, as you walk into your new classroom just remember I’m crying because I love you, and I am so proud of you! I am so lucky to be your mother Paisley Gray. 

Love you forever & ever, 

Mama.

Life After A diagnosis

Back in May, I wrote a guest blog for  Inspired by Drive and now I want to share it with all of you! 

I have always felt like I matured at an early age. My mother was a single mother, we found my grandmother dead at age 4, OUR best friend. (that memory is still vivid as can be in my brain) and when my mother got married, I became the oldest of 4 in our home. This came with a lot more responsibility than any child should have because while my mom was  working 16 hour shifts to provide for our family, my EXstepfather would often take off. Leaving me in charge of my siblings more often than not. Doing homework, cooking, cleaning, driving them to school, & picking them up. These responsibilities, and experiences are things that I feel prepared me to be a special needs mother.. I had to grow up, and step up at a young age. 

I was 19 years old, so in love.. I remember so many details from the night we took that positive pregnancy test. The driving in silence... the most.  together - but silent. I was going to be a mother, at 20. 

Halfway through my pregnancy and committed to our future in parenthood, we were given devastating news in such a kind, and caring supportive way. But to this day I wish the specialist wouldn’t have sugar coated anything and given not only the best case scenario, but the worst as well. It would have been a little easier to not be blindsided by all that we were while I was labor. Our first diagnosis of CDH.

Austin was born in LA, right across from CHLA, so we were “prepared” for the worst case scenario. Are you ever really prepared? Good thing, because at 1 week old he was transferred there and at 2 weeks he was placed on a heart, lung bypass machine so he can take a break from fighting for his life.

At first I was numb, and I had a routine. Everyday I stopped at the chevron to get my coffee, and I drove my Mother in law’s bright blue pt cruiser. I stayed until about 2pm everyday so I could beat the traffic leaving LA. I didn’t really want to leave, but Austin was extremely sedated and usually asleep. I just sat by his bedside reading books for the most part because I didn’t get to hold him until he was 3 months old, and even then it was rare because of all the machines he was hooked up to. It just felt uncomfortable for the both of us. It was hard. So hard. And I was trying to get home to the relationship I was so desperately trying to hold on to because we were dealing with the current state of our son’s well being in two completely different ways. And this was just after diagnosis number one. Austin almost died at least two times that I am aware of. Do you know how much that does to a couple? Let alone a 19 & 20 year old!

We were not able to get a final diagnosis until he was 2 years old. I fought hard for those answers, because I knew he came home a completely different baby after the second hospital stay. A total of  4 months in the NICU (a majority of that, they called him the sickest baby in there) and 2 months after the whole was torn in his stomach in the PICU.  That diagnosis, of cerebral palsy, the answers we had been looking for since he came home...hit us like a ton of bricks. We were checked out from one another. I help tighter, while he pushed away (typical man lol)

We had to take a break. We needed space and we needed to weather our own storms. We had to mourn the loss of the Austin we might have had. I felt so alone, and deep in the darkest space for a while, but that break was so good for us. During that time I finally found myself again. I became confident in the future ahead. My future as the mother of a special needs child. I had finally accepted Austin’s diagnosis. There was a light in the darkness. And that’s where my advocacy journey began. Jonathan and I realized we were always going to be, better together.

He finally proposed after like 7 years, lol Followed shortly by a baby girl, Paisley Gray. The light was brighter then ever. Fast forward to now, and we have created such a meaningful life after our diagnosis. Austin has two little sisters and is so loved. He gets to ride horses every week for therapy, we are surrounded by an amazing community of fellow special needs parents, and all because I chose to believe in, and share our story. So I could heal myself, and show others they are not alone in their struggle.

I thought our life was over. As dramatic and cliche as it sounds, it had only just begun. We still have so much to look forward to and milestones to reach. I don’t know everything, but what I do know is I can’t change what happened. I can only look forward.

So if you are in a dark place after a diagnosis, keep you’re head up! I promise you, that there is a beautiful life ahead. A life full of perspective and supportive friends, women that understand your journey, and I found mine on Instagram! And if you want, another baby, have that next baby! Because there IS a life, after a diagnosis! 

the BIG Warrior Mixer

THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME, AND WE ARE SO EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE TICKETS ARE OFFICIALLY LIVE! Get your Tickets!

"IT’S LONELY. BUT WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE WHO GETS IT, IT’S TRANSFORMING.” - MELODY CAMERON. 

A couple years ago, WE tried to plan a simple meet up at the park for Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month. We just thought about popping up a little EZ up, some green balloons, some snacks and good company. That’s always been our vision. Well, It poured that day, so it never happened. Fast forward a couple years later and here we are, it’s the freakin big warrior mixer ! If you said that in the STEP BROTHER’s VOICE, then did we just become best friends? 

YEP!

Can’t make the mixer but want to help support? You can donate to our cause?

DONATE NOW

We are so so so excited about this event & our Warrior Mixer initiative! Are you a special need’s parent and curious how you can get involved??

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE WARRIOR MIXER INITIATIVE

Shop Chic Soul

Let's be real. 

Motherhood is a STRUGGLE.

(she was so worried about the goats eating us after once just gnawed on the back of my shirt lol)

You have to make sure all the kids stay alive, and some days they make that real hard. They’ve got activities and therapies. You’ve gotta keep a house clean and stocked with necessities. Which is impossible. You literally have to follow the kids around picking up everything they pull out. You’re cleaning one room while they are trashing the one you just cleaned. Then you have a husband you have to show affection to as well and cook a nice dinner for after he's worked all day.. Possibly a dog, that adds extra stress. Family and friendships to keep up with and on top of all of that -  you have to care for yourself. 

Which is the last thing on most of our lists. This year I’ve tried to make it a priority to take care of me! If I’m not good, nothing is good. That includes feeling comfortable in my own skin. This year I turn 30 y’all, and I’m not going to lie - I’m really excited. I hear such awesome things about your thirties! And I can’t wait to experience them. Feeling confident in myself is my number one priority for self care. One thing that always helps is cute clothes! 

Finding clothes that fit my curves and post baby body can be a struggle - but then I found Shop Chic Soul , boutique style clothes in my size! They are amazing! And I want their entire line in my closet, like tomorrow. I picked a few of my favorite pieces and styled them how I feel confident, comfortable, and cute, and can still chase the kids around the farm! Which is SO important. If I can look cute, while adventuring and doing activities with the kids, I’m ALL in. 

So head over to Shop Chic Soul and make sure to use code BRANDI10 at check out for 10% off your purchase!

#AustinsAwarenessArmy

When Austin was first diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy I had no one really to turn to, that understood anything I was dealing with. I had my high school friends, I had a few mom friends, and I had my family, but I had no sense of community. I did however make a friend eventually who lived local and her son was diagnosed with Down Syndrome, and to this day is still one of my dear friends and I get to see her weekly, because our daughters are now in dance together. Which has also turned into a community for us, because all of us are special needs parents. And I feel so blessed that it’s just so normal for us, everywhere we go. Paisley and Savannah know no different. 

Back in 2013 I found this little world on instagram that not many people in my real life knew about. It was a world full of smallshops, and moms that loved dressing their babes, and taking pictures of it. I was in heaven. When Austin was accepted for his first brand repping collaboration, I was ecstatic. I knew it was special, but I didn’t realize until now, just how special. I was just thankful, we weren’t treated any differently. From that moment, Small shops like lovedbyhannahandeli and Freshly Picked were plastering Austins face in their clothes all over their Instagram accounts and helping me do big giveaways throughout the month of March, all while spreading awareness, through the hashtag #austinsawarenessarmy. I found the community I needed in that moment, but it was lacking one thing - more special needs mothers. Because there were none. Sure - there were advocacy accounts, and fundraising accounts, but there was no one, brand repping for small shops, that had special needs. I began sharing our journey in a new way!

I then had a couple of girls reach out to me and ask me, if they could do a photoshoot of Austin, and this other little girl that had Cerebral Palsy as well - insert Finley, Christina and our friend Randi, of growlovelyphotography. This was the exact relationship I needed, another mother that loved to dress her child in cute clothes, document it, AND she had the same diagnosis as Austin. But icing on the cake, they lived 10 minutes away. This was the part of the community I was really missing. She inspires me everyday, and little did I know, I was an inspiration to her. She found me all because of that little hashtag I made. And the rest is history.

When I first started posting Austin’s photos, I didn’t see anyone doing what we were doing, and now instagram is full of special needs mamas and their warriors posting cute photos, and sharing their journeys! And this is what I always dreamt of. I am so proud of just how far we have come, and I am so proud to be a part, in creating the Warrior Mixer Initiative. I see videos going viral, I see target ads, and I see big companies including adaptive products. We still have a long way to go, but we have come a long way in just the last 9 years, if you ask me. 

I may not have that many followers, but I love our small army and will always be grateful for social media and the sense of community it offers to us special needs mothers around the world, that struggle to connect and find other moms that get where we are in life. Everything from IEPS to our non verbal, tube fed, AFO wearing, therapy going, babes. 

I have found MY community, and it all started with a hashtag. And here are some of my favorite Special Needs Mamas to follow: 

FifiandMo

Thespecialifeofus

_Ashleymontano

amazingabigalgrace

ansleyandmama

mightymissmaya

Special Needs Kiddo Gift Guide

Every year shopping for Austin gets harder and harder. I am always looking for some sort of guidance, and I cant find exactly what I am looking for - so I decided to make a guide for you! And I provided all the links!! Here are things I plan to get Austin this Christmas, or things I have purchased this past year that have become a staple in our everyday life!! I hope this helps you as much as I want it to! 

1. Dock A Tot Grand - We have searched high and low for something that would provide Austin with comfort so he can participate with the family in the living room, but also not take up too much space. Austin takes some of his best naps in his Dock, and all three of my kids get some amazing use out of it. I have also taken it on trips, for Austin to sleep in at the hotel - because I don't trust he won't fall off the bed at night, Id have to say this is a must on your kiddos list.

2. Littlest Warrior tee - Not only does this tee come in matching sets for the whole family, but its a favorite of mine for sure. Littlest warrior is one of our favorite small shops because she makes t-shirts and more representing the wide variety of disabilities out there. And she too is a special needs mama!

3. B. Symphony Musical Toy Orchestra - Austin loves anything and everything that has music and lights. This interactive toy is perfect for working on motor skills.

4. Vans - Shoes have always been my favorite thing. They make the outfit to me. And I will not let AFOS change that. These kids Sk8 mid Reissue V fit perfectly over his AFOS and velcro for easy on and off capabilities, and he still gets all the compliments.

5. ZARA joggers - We love Zara! Not only are these joggers super cute but they are comfy, and they fit nice over Austins AFOS.

6. June & January Knee highs - I LOVE to use this sock under his AFOS. They are the perfect length and come in a ton of fun colors!

7. Noise Reduction headphones - As Austin gets older he has become more sensitive to sound, sometimes even causing seizures. I purchased these for Austin to wear while at Disney because he enjoys some of the big kid rides, but the sound is a little much. They have worked out so good for us, so he can handle all the explosions on Thunder mountain!

8.  Gap Trapper hat - Hats/beenies don't seem to stay on Austin well at all, but he gets cold easily and we love this hat because it covers all angles of his little face and clips under his neck, so it'll stay better.

9.  Gravity Blanket - Honestly, any weighted blanket will do the trick. But Austin gets over stimulated just by hanging out with the family sometimes, so I like to take him to his room, where he can calm down - be in his own space, de stress and lay in his bed with his weighted blanket over him. Its one of his favorite things.

10. Wooden Percussion Instruments - Austin loves all the sounds, and can hold most of these very well in his right hand.

11. Dyson hot & cool jet focus - We like our house on the cooler side - so this small room space heater is perfect for Austins room. I like that it has the hot and cool option and this will be under the tree for Austin.

12. Sensory Chewelry - In the last year or so Austin has began to chew on his hand. This is making his skin raw, so im going to grab him some of these this Christmas and hope maybe it'll help. Its also something new we can use in therapy. 

13. Silcone spoons - In OT we are currently working on feeding and mouth closure. Up until recently I had no idea Austin has a lip tie - which keeps him from being able to close his mouth properly - which may be a reason he is drooling so much. Anyway, his therapists have seen some interest in feeding lately especially when using silicone spoons. 

14. Swing - One thing Austin has always enjoyed at the end of PT is being able to sit on the swing and rock back and fourth or spin in a couple circles. Having one of his very own in his room would be a dream im sure. 

15. Joovy cot - The bigger Austin gets, the harder diaper changes in public get. This foldable cot has been on my wishlist for ages. it folds up, and comes with a cover. Should be able to to fit inside a handicap stall ( I have not tried it) and change Austins diaper OFF of the floor. There are so many to chose from! 

16. Rocktopus - Austin would love all the lights and sounds! And with his sisters help, this toy would be so fun. What I love most - is the kids can all play with it together. 

17. Dance and Groove Rock it - Austin owns EVERYTHING beat bo - so I don't see why he wouldn't love this one! 

18. Z Vibe - Taking it back to OT and what Austins working on - While they are feeding him, they usually place the z vibe in his hand so he is getting stimulation elsewhere and can focus on the food entering his mouth. We also use the z vibe to desensitize his mouth. The z vibe has some pretty cool attachments, like a spoon (that will vibrate) and some other sensory beneficial attachments.

19. Star Light Rotating Projector - I hate to leave Austin in the dark at night. We usually leave his TV on with the volume on low in case he wakes up. This is a great alternative to that! 


A couple more items not listed above are EZ holds, we usually use these to keep the z vibe in his hand. They are amazing and make for perfect stocking stuffers. A firefly splashy chair - we not only use this in the bath but have taken it to the pool so he can sit and soak with all of us, and I've also seen someone use it at the river. Some regular headphones, and an iPod because like I said before Austin loves music. He has his own iPod Shuffle, not sure if they make those anymore and some cute headphones we snagged at target and during our plane rides I clip the iPod on his shirt and he listens to his music. A stroller fan - for hot days. I just attach it to his wheelchair to keep him cool. Or a wheelchair blanket for cold days/nights. I've found some on facebook before - but lost that link. A beanbag, or a P Pod chair from inspired by drive. We also use bibs. I made a friend on Instagram who made Austin some custom sized bibs - and they save so many of his shirts! I only have to change him once. And I like to use June and January Burp cloths to wipe Austins drool throughout the day because he is drooler! A good camera, so I can see Austin in his room at all times and last but not least - Squigz make for great fine motor skill practice. 

Ollie Swaddle review

The ollie swaddle was something new I NEEDED, when I first found out I was pregnant. Paisley loved being swaddled, so why wouldn't savannah? I had never tried any other swaddle products out there, Besides a good old blanket. but, I knew I wanted this one. You can grab yours at https://theollieworld.com 

It comes in an adorable little keepsake box, with directions on how to use and how to wash it. It also came with a wash bag to wash it in. score!! The Ollie swaddle is made from custom moisture-wicking material to reduce the risk of overheating. It has velcro to custom fit and meets the needs and size of each little babe. Thankfully, it has a tie at the bottom to make it easier to change diapers without having to undo the swaddle. Its a one size fits so that it can grow with your baby. Thanks to the velcro sizing option, I don’t see Savannah outgrowing it before we get a good amount of use out of it, which is one thing that stops me from buying certain baby products that are on the more expensive side.

Right after we had received our ollie swaddle Savannah was hospitalized with RSV. Once we were admitted I had a list of must haves for my husband to bring for our small stay, and the ollie was on it. I wasn’t new to the hospital life, and the ollie helped with exactly what I thought it would and more. We co-sleep, and Savannah at that point was either used to napping in my arms, or her mama roo, and none of those habits work well in a hospital setting. The ollie helped keep her swaddled and nap comfortably in the hospital crib. She slept, for much longer than I was used too and I was able to have some space and time to rest myself. It also helped keep her from pulling on all her cords! At this point, I was already in love with it.

Every time Savv naps in her swaddle she always wakes up in a good mood. You can tell she had a deep and comfortable sleep. She wakes up feeling comforted, safe and full of smiles. We chose the lavender swaddle, and its such a GORGEOUS color. It also comes in stone, sky and meadow. Each color is beyond beautiful and I wouldn't mind one of each!

The Ollie Swaddle, was literally Desgined with love. If you head to the Ollie world website, you can read Hindi’s story, and the reason behind this amazing swaddle. The ollie swaddle has therapeutic benefits such as easy transitions for newborns from the womb, it can help decrease irritability while helping baby to self soothe. It encourages calming, to increase bonding while you hold or nurse your little babe, and enhances their quality of sleep. All of these things I have witnessed myself while savannah was swaddled. It also holds several different developmental benefits. This is an amazing baby product for infant and mama. its one I would definitely love to share with every mother, or soon to be mother I know.

xoxo B

You are his voice.

This is a blog I wrote for EazyHold, and I would love to share it with all of you. Make sure to go take a peak at their website! Their silicone cuffs are universal, and made for individuals with little, to no handgrip at all. They have so many uses, and come in some really cool colors! 


“The siblings of special needs children are quite special. Absolutely accepting and totally loving, from birth, someone who is different mentally, and has a different way of seeing the world, is a wonderful trait. It's a trait I wish there was another way of getting, but there isn't. And it does involve a degree of not having it fantastically easy."- Sally Phillips

                       

                             

When Austin was born, you’d think the thought of more kids would have never crossed my mind. Experiencing something so traumatic, with a first child could have caused anyone to never want to try again because no matter how old you are, its HARD. There is no guarentee something unexpected couldn’t happen again. After all the things I saw, all the health risks I was now aware of, babies on life support, organs outside of bodies, medicines I’ve never heard of, all the dying babies around me.. was it worth it to possibly risk experiencing that again? Could it happen to me again? This is where I realized I was going to be different. I was not going to let this keep me from living the life I planned. More kids were ALWAYS in my future, because how is that fair to me? How is that fair to AUSTIN? Not only did I want to experience motherhood to fullest, but I wanted Austin to have siblings, I wanted Austin to be loved unconditionally by as many people as possible. 

It took a few years for Jon and I to get on the same page, and Paisley came as a surprise  while I planned our wedding but she was beyond a blessing. Now I was traveling to Italy, the place I longed to be! I was getting to experience a whole new side to motherhood I never knew. I had to learn to navigate, and merge both special needs parenting and parenting a child without those extra needs. I soon realized, one day Paisley would have questions and I would have to have answers. The problem is, the same questions will get asked as she gets older, and starts to realize just how different her brother really is. And my answers will have to get better, and more in depth. 

I’ve always noticed she tends to have a thing for her friends older brothers. Could be trouble when she’s older, lol but on a serious note, she tends to cling to the boys around Austins age, and wants to play with them. This has always made me extra emotional, and is honestly really hard to watch, because it breaks my heart. I feel like she longs for that relationship, so she takes what she can get. Its something that was taken from her, before she was even born and yet, she too mourns the brother she lost. 

Id have to say, her first statement, caught me really off guard. She’s three and we have just been living life. Its our normal, and I have not really put much thought into any possible questions she could have, or things she may notice. She has made comments like, “he doesn’t talk” when people out and about ask him questions, but thats just what she knows, from what I have I said. We were at Austins hippo therapy one day and she said to me, “Mama, someone stole Austins voice” I was extremely taken back by this comment, and had no idea what to reply, so I just awkwardly smiled for a second, and said “ Yes.” Because that was the reality of it, he had a voice at one point, then because of others carelessness it was taken from him. Before we could ever hear it.. I went on, “Yes. Someone stole Austins voice, and do you know what that means?” She had no idea. Lol I said “It means, that YOU are his voice. You, mommy and daddy are Austins voice. We tell people what he needs, wants and what he likes. ” Simple, to the point and I thought it was pretty clever on a whim.

Im assuming she liked this answer, because she just smiled, left it alone and went on talking about something else. She now beams with pride when she says “I am Austins voice”, but mainly because she loves being in control I think. Lol I know this is just the start to a long journey ahead, that will include lots of questions and statements. Some I can answer easily and some ill have to think about. Ill have to explain why people stare, and who knows what the kids will say when she starts school, because we all know kids have no filter. This is where the parents come in and teach awareness, because disabilities are EVERYWHERE, but that makes for a whole different blog post. For now all I know is Paisley loves her big brother, and is well aware she is “his voice” and loves sharing what he needs, or can and cant do. I hope because of Austin, she will learn to be empathetic to others, and understand there is nothing wrong being different. Advocacy is THE biggest role, you and your family will play in your special needs childrens lives, because WE are their voice. 

xoxo

Brandi 

La Vie En Rose - Dockatot

I have been a parent for nearly a decade and had yet to find the perfect lounger until now. There is something so appealing about finding an AMAZING baby product, that you get to share with other moms, that may make their journey a little easier!

The DockATot has been our saving grace. Savannah has been my neediest baby thus far. It might have to do with the fact that she has been exclusively breast fed, or just because she knows she’s the baby, but its been so exhausting. Im basically a human pacifier, and if she could, she would be attached to me twenty - four seven. The DockATot has been the ONE thing she allows me put her down in. It makes nap transfers from my arms so much easier, because she still feels safe and snug. It feels like she’s got my arms wrapped around her still and she naps for so much longer in it. We co-sleep at night, so the fact that I can put her down for a nap in her DockATot, and not have to lay with her, or always hold her until she wakes up, (which I love to do when I can because she wont be this little forever) gives me some time to care for my needy toddler or change Austins diaper without a baby in my arms. 

Now that she’s starting to sit, it has made for the perfect little space to play. She fits right into it with a few of her favorite toys. It just goes with me from room to room, while I get things done. She can play in her own space, while mommy is right next to her folding those mounds of laundry that never end. It always works great for tummy time! helps with head control, and arm strength which we need the extra help with now, as she prepares to crawl. 

The DockATot is what mama dreams are made of. Its a safe, cozy space for your babe. Its a muli-functional lounger, a co sleeper and is perfect for playtime. The DockATot comes in two sizes. The deluxe that can be used for babies 0-8 months and the grand recommended for babies 9-36 months. The DockATot has been tested for breathability, is 100% cotton, and made in Europe. It also machine washable, and easily comes out looking brand new. And can we PLEASE talk about these patterns!! I chose the DockATot Deluxe+ in La Vie en Rose, and I just love staring at it, its so gorgeous. Its one of my favorite things to photograph, if I am being honest. I am already so excited to size up, and plan on using this for future vacations and beach trips. It'll be good for Savannah to have a piece of home with us. 

I highly recommend the DockATot, to any expecting mothers, or mamas that just need some good sleep, or some extra baby free seconds of the day! 

 Happy baby, happy life! 

xoxo B