Ignorance is bliss..

I usually don't let people's comments about Austin bug me. When they have questions, I answer. I smile, and explain the best possible way I know how. But sometimes peoples ignorance just baffles me. I mean, before I became a special needs parent I was in the dark about it. Even without knowing anything about it, I still would have never asked some of the RUDE questions people ask, nor make comments like.. "What's wrong with him?" "You must have your hands full" "God Bless You". I am just like any other mother, raising her child the best I can. I do however feel it is my place to raise awareness, so there is less ignorance. 

Today someone had the audacity to call Austin "SICK". I nearly lost it. But I kept calm and said, first of all, Austin is NOT sick, he has special needs & those two things are NOT the same. Of course she didnt see anything wrong with what she had said and didnt think it was a big deal, thats what she calls people with special needs "sick". Once again, almost lost it. 

It may not be a big deal to her, but Austin was "sick" when he was in the NICU for the first 6 months of his life. On tons & tons of medications, breathing machines, ECMO (life support), eating through an IV.. fighting for his life. He is not sick anymore.. my little fighter is as healthy as his special needs will allow! He is normal.. HIS normal.. OUR normal.. MY normal. And its my place to make sure people understand the difference.. Spreading a little bit of awareness can help reduce some of the ignorance around me. I am his voice... It is MY job to spread Cerebral Palsy Awareness. 

that being said, Cerebral Palsy is not a sickness or a disease. He is not broken, And he is far from a burden. 

xoxo
B

Welcome to Holland

by

Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Hope this gives some of you a better understanding as to what its like to be a special needs parent, and for my fellow special needs parents, i hope you find comfort in this, because i know i do :) 

xoxo

B 

My Mommy Misson

What are my goals as a parent? I would have to say mine are completely different from a lot of mamas I know. If you really want an understanding of where my head is at, you should read "Welcome to Holland" by Emily Pearl. I'll have to post it soon! Its the perfect description of what its like to be a special needs parent. You thought, and planned to be one place, and ended up another place. It isnt all that bad, but its different! Id have to say my goals are to just help Austin progress as much as his little body will allow. We are working on his walking, going to do some more oral feeding, and work on that eye contact of his. Austin has CVI (cortical vision impairment) basically his brain isnt tell him to look at me, or anything else for that matter, so he doesn't appreciate what he 'could' be looking at. Eye contact is very minimal for him, so when I get it, Im ecstatic for hours. 

All in all, my goals are to push my handsome little dude as hard as I can and put him in as many therapies as we can afford. But above all, keep him happy and smiling. He is honestly one of the happiest children I know. The most important thing to me, is to give Austin a normal life. (which also provides me with a somewhat normal life) We go to disneyland, we have play dates, we go out to eat, and he runs errands with me. Seeing his smile always brightens my day, and lets me know Im doing something right!! 

Never ever give up my sweet boy. 

xoxo

B 

Instagram lovin

My top 4 most liked IG pics this month...

I love me some instagram! lol to be honest I spend less time these days on my personal IG! thats how much I love the new little IG community full of mamas! These are from my personal though, follow me if you'd like :) 

@bleighlovee

 All of my handsome little dude of course! 

10 things that make me happy :)

1. This perfect little human

2. The man I will grow old with 

3. Our fur babies - Maverick (yorkie, 3 months) Hurley (boxer, 9 months)

4. Starbucks, of course.

5. Country music 

6. Disneyland 

7. Christmas time 

8. Rainy Days

9. SHOES! (shoes for me.... shoes for austin..)

10. Im a sucker for anything acoustic.

xoxo

B

favorite quote

My favorite quote would have to be...

"Without struggle, there is no the progress" 

I loved it so much I have it tattooed on my shoulder. Everyone must struggle, before they get to where they want to me. I hold that quote dear to my heart, because not only does it have meaning for ME, and my hardships,  but its Austin. He continually has to struggle to progress! Its a constant up hill battle, but its worth it. The struggles he faces in therapy, in milestones, and in everyday socializing,  its all leading to progress. Progress being that one day he will hopefully eat orally, or make eye contact, or maybe even walk or say mama! The hope of that progress, is worth our everyday struggle. 

xoxo

B 

My go to recipe..

Is there such a thing as too much pasta?! Cause I swear we could eat it every night in this house! I recently perfected my own home made marinara sauce and make it in bulk... Its Jonathan's mothers recipe and he is obsessed with pasta! Its always easy to make. My go to pasta recipe would have to be chicken parmesan! ITS AMAZING!! 

I dont really have an exact recipe for it but ill explain how i do it! 

Things you need: 

chicken breasts

bread crumbs

egg

olive oil

mozzarella cheese

angel hair pasta 

marina sauce

First, heat some olive oil in a frying pan, while thats heating I coat the chicken breasts in egg, roll them around in some bread crumbs and fry them on the stove. Once they have browned, i place mozzarella cheese on top and place them in oven at about 350 degrees for about 10 more minutes. While those are cooking a little more and the cheese is melting  I cook my pasta, and heat my sauce! 

So good and easy to make :) 

but then again who doesnt love pasta! 

xoxo
B

where would i move..

well, i am most defenitly a california girl born and raised and LOVE every last minute of it, but if i had to move somewhere, it would be Tennessee. We have actually been talking about it for the past couple years, but never really made a decision. It would be a great place to raise our kids and start our lives. The cost of living is so much cheaper, and the people are much more friendly. Jonathan has family out there so we wouldnt be alone, and we could purchase land, where our kids and dogs could run and play. 

But, as for now thats a maybe plan. I do love California for many reasons (while disliking it for many others) so we will just wait and see what the future holds for us :) 
xoxo 
B

A day in the life...

Of course we always start our day with mommy's coffee!! Gotta have my pumpkin spice creamer of course. This time of year, one of my favorite things is PUMPKIN EVERYTHING. pumpkin coffee, pumpkin bread, pumpkin candles! i LOVE pumpkin. And in my favorite mug :) 

Then while i fed  Austin his formula, through his Gtube.. which i will talk about in a completely different post, i got ready for the day!

 Then gotta figure out what little dude is gonna wear for the day. Today we went with his arrow stamped leggings we bought from an IG store, his Live for Surf tank, and cobalt blue Freshly picked moccs. Austin was feeling a little under the weather today, so this was a perfect comfy outfit to run errands in. 

& then we are off.... 

First, we met grandma for a late breakfast at flos! i wish i could have finished all of this, but the only thing i really wanted was the biscuts and gravy!!!! My mouth is just watering looking them! 

    Then we made a little time for a mini photoshoot. :)  

We made a pit stop at the car dealer because we are in the process of researching cars, and i had to take a peek at a tahoe, Austin got a quick nap in on auntie Amber's (my little sister) shoulder. We picked her up from school today :) 

Then i of course had to get my Iced coffee with cream & pumpkin spice! theses are a few of my favorite things include the color green :) 

 And did a little shopping for the weekend! Daddy is taking me on a trip to SD! Had to get him some new shirts too ;)

And then we eneded our day, watching some tv and eating a simple (extremely simple, cause i didnt feel like cooking and cleaning today) dinner! And cuddled with our puppies!

xoxo 

B

my greatest memories...

This one was a tough one, because if i were to sit back and think, i have many great memories! With different people, but id have to say my most recent favorites are all Austin.. (figures right) 

First one being, the very first time i got to hold Austin. He was 4 months old, and their were nurses telling me 'how' to hold him, and tubes everywhere, coming out of him in every direction, but in that moment, no one else in the room existed. It was just me and my babe, the day i have been waiting for for about a year at that point! 

Austin's first christmas is another. He had just finally come home after six months in the hospital. It was such an amazing blessing to have him home with us. 

Austins first big milestone a little after he turned one, was sitting up! That one made me the happiest mama in the world! No one saw that coming. 

This Fathers day we went to Sea World for the day and got to touch the dolphins! That was for sure a great memory!

My most recent one is getting our first place as a happy family!! 

xoxo Brandi 

Dino OOTD

Of course we love Austin's shants (made by me!) cause they go with EVERYTHING lol but I'm also loving this Dinosaur tee I picked up at carters labor day weekend! for 50% off! We are also loving out new smoke moccs! When people told me I was love them, I didn't take them seriously, but I am literally OBSESSED with them! They are defenitly a Freshly Picked MUST!! 

 this is Austin doing what we call his "Happy Feet" lol makes me smile every time!

xoxo Brandi 

Best Advice

I honestly cant think of any one circumstance where someone gave me advice that I held dear to my heart. So instead Im going to give some advice! Love the life you live. 

I was in a bit of a depression, when I first found out about Austin and his diagnosis. For 2 whole years, I thought one day, everything would be better... but with one Dr. visit that I had to schedule (outside of Kaiser mind you) my whole world came crashing down. Austin having CP was the LAST thing I expected. I got stuck in this whole of depression for about another year and half, which Austins father was also in. We were both dealing with it in such different ways, that we werent there for eachother the way we needed to be. 

Last year, we took a small break from eachother, and it was honestly one of the best things we could have done, for our family. During that time, I learned how to be independent again. I also learned to appreciate life! Austin's life wasn't over, and mine was just beginning! I strongly believe everything happens for a reason. I was blessed with Austin for a reason, and I had that time to myself for a reason. I became confident all over again, and it was such an amazing feeling, I was independent and no longer needed someone to make me feel better about myself. I looked back on the struggles Austin and I had over come and realized how beautiful life really was, and blessed I was to have such a special boy. Not only was I supposed to teach great things, he taught me to love the life I live. 

& that is the best advice I can give someone. EVERYONE out there is battling something, struggling with something, but its up to you, to turn it into a positive. If I sat here, and only paid attention to all the negatives about our situation Id be one miserable person, but I learned to look at the positives. Sure I have my days, where im sad Austin doesnt look me in the eye, or tell me he loves me, and that I dont get to hear his little voice, but we have a different way of communicating. Him and I have a special bond he will have with no one else. He has his own little personality and is happy as can be :) and thats all that really matters to me. Every milestone means THAT much more to me, and we have come so far, and I cant to see what the future holds for our little family :) 

xoxo Brandi 

Sunday Funday!

Not really the case today! More like sunday relax-day lol We just ran a few errands that we had to do! Got our past port photos taken, cause we are going to The Grand Caymans for a wedding in Oct. Im pretty happy with mine in case your wondering :) Only took one shot! Picked up a couple goodies at costco & target, then came home and made an amazing dinner and enjoyed watching a movie with my hunny. This weekend wasnt very eventful, but I did get a new camera on friday night! Thank you again Jonathan for letting me get it :) I am one happy mama! Its the Canon T3i. I absolutely adore it, and now Im one of those annoying people with the camera in Jon & Austins faces all the time. haha they will live!!! We also tried Korean BBQ for the first time this weekend.... AMAAAZINGGGG !!!

Heres a couple photos I shot this weekend :)

xoxo Brandi 

Craziest thing I have ever done...

Whats the craziest thing I have ever done? I'd without a doubt have to say.. SKY DIVING! Not only did it give me the craziest spout of anxiety, but it was one of the greatest adrenaline rushes one could experience! This past New Years Eve, Jonathan totally talked me into starting our year out with a bang, because that can only mean one thing.. it ENDS with a bang!

I do have to say, it was quite the experience. I will never forget the feeling of my chest in my stomach on the flight up, I didnt even realize how nervous I was until someone asked me how I was doing. I then realized I was clenching my hands together and not talking to anyone. This was of course Jon's second time, so he was ready to go. He jumped straight out the plain, while I took my sweet time! 

Since we did go on NYE it was FREEZING!!! I had a little bit of a hard time catching my breath at first, but once I hit the ground I loved every moment of what I'd just experienced. 

We of course got pictures and videos, cause you cant experience something like that without documenting it!!! (and cant forget the free tshirt for basically signing our lives away) If any one has been considering it, I highly suggest it! There is nothing like it!! 

xoxo Brandi 

Man Cub: OOTD

We havn't really left the house yet today, but its still hot over here in California! We are about to head out and get momma a new camera & eat a late dinner!!! Here's Austin's OOTD 

Sunglasses // matte black wafers - can purchase online 

Tank // lovedbyhannahandeli 

Short // Carter's (were jeans I cut myself) 

Moccs // freshly picked - smoke 

Hope you guys enjoy my handsome man :) 

xoxo Brandi 

My kind of crazy.

I couldn't have come up with a better title for this blog post, because it describes my main squeeze perfectly! CRAZY! In a good way of course :) That sexy duck face rockin man is Jonathan. He is 23, I know I know, Im rocking the cradle ;) lol and he is the hardest working man I know! I never really grew up around a strong male figure who took care of his family, so this man is a god in my eyes. I appreciate how hard he works, so I can stay at home and raise our son. He went to school to be an Electrician, but right now is working as an exterminator (you would think I would see less spiders in my house) lol but back to my point, a man with strong worth ethic is definitely a turn on in my book! We are high school sweethearts going on 7 years together! He has such a crazy sense of humor, and always has me laughing, wether it be with him, or AT him. lol 

At first it was hard for him to accept Austin's diagnosis, but he has come such a long way as a father and adores his boy more than anything in this world! Austin was a blessing in disguise for both of us, and has helped mold Jon into the man he is today. A family man. 

Jon LOVES being on the go! I can hardly get him to sit still sometimes. Hes slowed down a bit, since working so much, but he is not the type to just sit and be bored. He's an Aries, and very true to his sign! He loves shooting, (which I now LOVE to do with him) riding his street bike (which I also love riding on the back of) & adores the heck out of our two dogs! Hurley, our 8 month old boxer and Maverick, the newest addition to our cute little family, our 3 month old yorkie! 

Jon loves me to the moon and back, and theres only one more way to prove it ;) (if ya like it then you should put a ring on it) but we will see what 2014 holds for us! How he puts up me, NO CLUE! lol But there is not a thing this man wont do for his family, or anyone for that matter. He is sometimes TO kind, and TO giving, but I knew that the moment I met him. Ive watched him become the man he wanted to be, and Im so glad to have been a part of it. I love this man more than words can describe and I cant wait to spend the rest of my life laughing at his crazy jokes and smiling through the hardships, because there is nothing, we can't make it through!

xoxo Brandi